How parents should act in front of their children during a divorce

When a couple decides to separate, it is very important that they know that this supposes that they stop living together, that the conjugal bond is broken, but that the father- daughter relations are maintained: they stop being husbands but they are still father and mother . With regard to the mental health of the minors involved in this situation, we offer some recommendations on how parents should act in front of their children during a divorce.

Allow children to see the other parent

Children still need a father and a mother, although they no longer live together. Both are important figures of reference and emotional attachment for minors, and maintaining contact with both minimizes the feeling of loss and their references are maintained.

Speak well of the other parent or, at least, do not speak badly

Children need to have decent parents, a healthy image of both parents, in order to grow with adequate self-esteem and with the correct psychic identification figures. The youngest feels part of dad and part of mom, and to speak ill of one of the two is to speak badly of the minor himself.

Strengthen the autonomy and independence of your children

It is a wrong attitude and with serious consequences for the development of the child to be overly over him, always aware of what he does, and going together everywhere. Children should not become substitutes for our ex-partners . It also does not help that we ask them to stay with us because we feel alone: ​​we must have our own resources to get ahead, without creating dependence or guilt.

Our children are not judges

We should not place them in the position of judge, or share details of the intimate life or separation with them, not question the attitude of the former couple in front of them or ask their opinion on these issues. The things of the adults must remain among them, and the minors must always keep a good image of both parents : in the long run they will thank you.

Avoid discussions with the ex-couple in front of them

Pending issues among adults are spoken without involving minors . It is not pleasant for a son to see his parents arguing, and not to see that the separation did not stop them from doing so.

What we want to say to our ex-partner we tell you

We do not use our children as messengers . We say it ourselves or we use other ways (letters, email ...). The recaditos of the type: "tell your mother / father ...", "when you go home bring me X that is mine ...", "look what you have in the drawers ..." place our son in an uncomfortable situation, and in the long run it will take them away from us.