How to tell the children that we parted

When a couple separates, several things change in the daily familiar. Not only are projects and illusions left behind, but for children, it implies a new way of life. Although separations have now become frequent currency, their impact on children is still impressive. Going to live with both parents, to live alone with one of them, generates in the child profound changes in their way of life. Unlike adults, children do not always express what they feel through language, but their feelings often, we see reflected in their behavior. Next, we will introduce you, how to tell my children that their parents separated.

Steps to follow:

one

Talk. Once you have made the decision to separate and live in different homes, it is important that you talk to each other about how to deal with this situation with your children. Establishing schedules and days of visits before children are aware of the situation can give children stability and assurance that they will continue to see both parents frequently. In these situations, transmitting to children safety is essential.

two

Meeting. Once these topics are established, the next step is to talk with the children. We must speak to them with absolute sincerity and remind them at all times that you continue to love them and that this will not change despite the situation. Beyond the reasons for the separation, we must explain to them that you love each other very much but decided that it is best to separate. It is essential to clarify that the father who leaves the house will continue to see them.

3

Involvement Children should not be aware of the couple's discussions, we must know how to differentiate the couple's problems and their role as parents. They should not become a tool to save the couple or an ally of any of you. The only thing children should be clear about is that you, as parents, will always be with them, live under the same roof or not. Avoid discussing issues of separation in front of children, not to make them part of the conflict.

4

Information. Both teachers and adults who interact with children should be aware of the situation. When a parent moves out of the home, children demonstrate their feelings through their behaviors. It is likely that they become more aggressive, sad, sometimes, when they are small, they lose control of the sphincters, it can also happen that they start talking as if they were a baby, etc. These demonstrations reflect the children's attention to what happens at home. Therefore, it is important that people who are related to them, take into account what they are going through to provide containment.

5

Support and limits. Both must show their love to their child, however, this does not mean no limits. Many times, parents, due to the situation that the child goes through, usually consent to them, but this only hurts them. The limits should be the same as before, but the containment towards them is what changes. Talking with them and being present is truly important.

6

Attitude. Sometimes, children often try to manipulate parents to get what they want. They use the feeling of guilt they feel for separation to obtain benefits. For example, "if you do not let me watch TV I'm going to live with dad" or "mom always lets me watch TV, you're bad", etc. Having a firm attitude and overcome the feeling of guilt, is essential to be able to process this situation.

7

Space and time The father who moves out of the house, should try to find a home that has a space for their children. It can be a room that is decorated by children and where they have some of their belongings. In this way, children will feel that this is also their home and this will allow them to achieve some stability and security. It is also important to comply with the schedules and days of visit.

8

Query. If the child has not been able to face the situation, it is essential to consult with a psychologist so that he can accompany the children in this process of change. Not all children can face the situation in the same way, so it can happen that only one of your children requires the intervention of a professional.

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