When to introduce my children to my new partner

One of the most complicated times for a separated father, mother, divorcee or widower is the time to introduce their children to their new partner . Children can react in many ways and not always in the way that we would like so it is important to know how to choose the right time and the way in which the child can understand it better. Although it may seem very complicated, with time and a lot of love the children will end up accepting the situation, that is why, in .com we want to help you so that you know when to introduce your children to your new partner and understand it in the best possible way.

Only if it's about stable relationships

If you have decided to rebuild your life and you have the need to present your children to your new partner, make sure that this is stable and promote your union as a family . It is normal for any separated or divorced person to have social life and enjoy more or less lasting relationships, but if you take the step of presenting your children to that person, you must be clear that this is someone important in your life, with the that you want to share

It is not beneficial for your children to know your lovers or acquaintances constantly since you will generate a feeling of instability not recommended. It is a stressful time, especially for your children, and you should protect them and not expose them to so much change so often. In addition, your children may end up getting affection for these people and a new separation would only increase their feelings of guilt, damaging their self-esteem.

If you are clear that this is the person with whom you want to share your life, your relationship is stable and you are aware that your new partner understands and accepts the situation, then you can start thinking about how to introduce it into the lives of your children.

Patience, they mark the tempo

Although children adapt surprisingly to changes, when it comes to changes in their family structure it is much more complicated; It is normal for your children to find it hard to accept that their mother or father loves someone other than their parent. Separations and divorces are complex processes in which children suffer a lot and have a hard time understanding why they happen or what to say about a grieving process such as the death of a father. For that reason, when a new person enters the life of some of their parents, jealousy or guilt can seize the child and generate a rejection.

The first thing you have to do is start talking to them, little by little, about that person. You must introduce your figure in your daily life, commenting on what you do together, how it is or how you think. Children are not stupid, so soon you will realize that it is someone special for you. If you already detect a rejection before you know it, try to deal with it with them, making them understand that this person makes you happy, you must have patience and not impose anything since it would be counterproductive. Try to adapt to the times of your children.

No one replaces his father or mother

Once the meeting is held, it is important to mark a series of rules if you decide to start a life together. Children must be prepared to facilitate the coexistence of all parties, because otherwise, a bad start can condition the relationship and ruin the project in common.

It is very important that the child knows that this new person does not replace his father or mother. Sometimes, with the best of intentions, it is intended to take a paternal or maternal role that only generates rejection in the child. Your children already know who their parents are and will not allow anyone to replace them in a deliberate way.

Another thing is that, after years of coexistence, the child learns to love and accept that person and see it as a second parent, but it will be something that the child will choose, not something adults will impose on them.

Reprimands concern you, avoid delegating

Finally, to facilitate coexistence it is better that the sermons, punishments and fights are made by you. Try to avoid that your new partner acquires that role since for them it is very probable that he does not have any type of authority, especially at the beginning. Punishments and reprimands are not pleasant for anyone and especially if it is the boyfriend / girlfriend of their father or mother who administers them.

It is better that the "ugly" part of your children's education is done by you and you leave the funniest and funniest part for your new partner. That does not mean that you do not encourage the respect that your children should feel for that person and, of course, the normal thing is that if the children misbehave or do not pay attention to them when they are under their care this will demonstrate their authority as an adult and a person who cares about them

In summary, common sense and love for your children will guide you so that the complex coexistence with a new partner is as traumatic as possible. Always remember that they are the most important thing and you must take care of and protect their feelings so that they grow up healthy and psychologically safe.