How to deal with a toxic mother - the best advice

Relations with parents are not always easy. Sometimes, even, they become really complicated because, although it seems hard to believe, both the father and mother can be toxic. And this makes the relationship very complex because, when you experience this type of situation, it is sometimes common to have to cut the tie or put limits with your own parents.

This situation is even more complicated when it occurs with the mother because, traditionally, it is believed that it is unthinkable that your own mother could be toxic or harmful to you. But this happens sometimes. And what to do? In we give you the main keys so that you know how to deal with a toxic mother . We have already said that the first step is to recognize that this type of relationship really exists.

How to deal with a toxic mother from the emotional point of view

The emotional level is the most complicated to work because the toxic relationship with the mother is not always evident. In fact, in many cases it hides under the concept of love, but it is not like that. We must clarify that it is not that your mother does not love you, but manages your feelings to achieve their purposes, which can be very diverse as not leaving her alone, not becoming independent because she is afraid of losing you, overprotection because she worries a lot or any other situation that implies loss of control over you. It is a relationship that is based on abuse, insecurity and creating links that are destructive to you because they limit you. Many times the mother always tries to create feelings of guilt in her children, even if she is not really aware that she does it.

The best thing that can be done in these cases to deal with a toxic mother is to establish a mental and emotional distance . It's hard, but it's really effective. In particular, it is about when you talk to her you raise a wall in your mind, so as not to be influenced by the comments she makes or generate any kind of feeling.

Only then can you get that toxic relationship does not affect you in an important way and you can make your life, develop as a person, have relationships and friends or carry out any other purpose or action in your life that your mother tries to prevent you from doing.

And, above all, never fall into the error of becoming the victim because it will be much more complicated to get out of that relationship and prolong a bond that is really hurting you.

Tips for communicating with a toxic mother

In very extreme cases, it may be convenient to cut off the entire relationship with the toxic mother. Before arriving at this situation, you can follow a series of tips to try to communicate better with a toxic mother and redirect the link:

• One of the main keys is to limit the topics of conversation that are spoken with her. For example, if you always make comments about your friendships and the time you spend with friends, reproaching you that she is alone and do not pay attention, avoid saying that you have been or who you have been and the activities you have done with your friends . If you can not avoid comment, limit the information you provide, never tell everything. You must do this with any topic that you try to manipulate.
• Communication time can also shorten it. If you do not live with it, a good trick is to establish certain days to talk and see how it is and tell only what you think you owe and that it will not generate any conflict. The same can be done with physical visits. Always limit the number of times you will see her at home per week. Fortunately, there are new technologies and the traditional telephone to keep in touch. Some channels that you can use to keep conversations short and with a certain distance, but without breaking the contact.
• Leaving things clear to the toxic mother is another option. To do this, you have to be forceful and sharp. For example, if you constantly criticize your best friend, you can tell her to stop doing it or you will not tell her anything else about your personal life. The same can apply if you criticize your work, your partner, and so on. But you have to be clear that this only works if you apply what you have said. That is to say, if she makes you one of those criticisms or comments again, you will have to stop talking about it. You must take the consequences and not soften. This, of course, applies when criticisms and comments are not constructive and are not intended to give us a different point of view to help us.
• Screaming is useless. Never fall into this trap with which you will only feel worse and your mother will also become more upset. He always talks in a correct tone and without losing his calm.

Express emotions before a toxic mother

When you have a toxic mother, it is good to tell her how you feel about the actions or the comments and criticisms that she can make you. You do not have to be afraid to express what you feel and to tell it clearly. She may not be aware of it.

Anyway, even if you ask for forgiveness and promise not to do it again, you have to continue to maintain certain limits and distances until you prove that, over time, it is true that this toxic relationship has ended.

In addition, we encourage you to help him to try to stop being a toxic person, with the advice we give you in this other article.

They are tips and guidelines on how to deal with a toxic mother. In we recommend that, if you have this type of relationship, you go to professionals who can help you solve the situation and minimize the effects and negative consequences of a toxic relationship.