How to tell my son that I am divorcing
How to break the news to your preschooler - If you and your spouse are considering a separation or divorce, you should keep this between you until you know if you really want to. While it may seem better to err on the side of full disclosure, the uncertainty of words like "dad and mom are thinking of getting divorced " will unnecessarily confuse your preschooler. Keep in mind, too, that a week is an eternity for a preschooler. It may be better to give notice only a couple of days before this, so as not to confuse the child for weeks. Although there is never going to be a "good" moment for the big speech, it's not a bad time: day of daycare or preschool, just before going to work, just like she goes on a date to play, or just before bedtime . "Later, when she suddenly feels very insecure and very lonely, you have to be there for her." Choose a time when you will have time to offer lots of hugs and reassuring words.
Say yes - If you disagree with everything else, try to agree on what to say to your child. Ideally, give the news together. This avoids confusion - he will hear only one version of the story - and implies that it was a mutual decision. According to Paul Coleman, psychologist and author of How to tell your children, there is a more important reason, like this: Help your child preserve a sense of trust in their parents
Keep it simple - Speak in terms that you know your child can understand, which limits the explanation to no more than some key phrases. You can simply say that Dad is going to get a new place and that he will take over, suggests Ricci. Explain to your child that he will continue to see both parents. If your child has witnessed a lot of explanations, acknowledge this fact and explain that they are trying to do the best for the family.
Tell your son that it is not his fault. Children may feel guilty for the break, even if they do not say so. "Younger children who simplistically think like 'I do not clean my room and that's why they were fighting, " says Ricci. Tell her at full speed that separation or divorce is an adult decision and has nothing to do with it. Ricci offers this example of how to express it: "... Sometimes there are things that happen with the parents and the mothers, we are very sorry that this happened, but it is not all we have done"
Avoid the game of guilt. However, if you are angry, you do not have to blame your spouse for the breakup, and avoid arguing in front of your child. You also have to have all the details about an extra-marital relationship or a financial problem. That only confuses and leaves his son wrong.
Do not expose your child to the details of the divorce . Do not make your divorce the kitchen table. Do not talk about legal issues, even on the phone, when your child might be listening. You may think that they are going to go over your head, but maybe not. And try not to let anger or aggression influence your tone of voice.
If there is an assessment of custody - which involves home visits by a mental health professional to observe and interview the child and family - minimize the impact by not building too much around you and so you can know what to say.